Usually, brides bring their bridal party on an retreat to a spa or the beach before the wedding. I dreamt that my engaged friend took all of her bridesmaids to SixFlags. My brother (definitely not a bridesmaid), was there too. And my friend, the bride, was going on water rides in her wedding dress.
I dreamt that I set up my friend’s mother with Mr. Shuster from Glee, even though she was married, and about 30 years older than him. Mr. Shuster, my close friend, asked for my advice on the outfit he was planning to wear— gray parachute pants, a gray button-down shirt, and gray crocks (all different shades of gray). Both parties were very nervous for the date. Unfortunately, I never got to find out how it went.
I dreamt that some film producers wanted to make a movie documenting the events of September 11th from the point of view of the insects of New York City. I earned a supporting role as a flying purple and white bug. The protagonist was a larger purple kidney-bean shaped bug named “Silly.” Soon enough, I had literally become my character, and when we weren’t filming, I flew all around town to spy on my friends, and quickly travel through crowded outlet malls.
I dreamt that I was in pilates class, and the teacher showed us a stretch in which you pull one of your hands off and dangle it with the other hand for about thirty seconds. I kept trying to pull my hand out of my wrist socket, but found it very painful, and nearly impossible. Looking around, I saw that the other students in the class were succeeding, and further, finding it to be a great stretch for your wrists.
I dreamt that I was going to a cool party, and my hair just wasn’t cooperating. I was very fed up, until I had a brilliant idea—to get a sheitl (the wigs that Orthodox married women wear). I went to the sheitl woman and bought a very expensive wig. At the party, everyone thought my hair was naturally smooth and in place. I looked awesome and received tons of compliments.
I dreamt that my friend offered me a room in her house for the summer. She explained that she had a very big, funny family, with a lot of extra bedrooms, and it would be fun for me. I took her up on the offer. Upon arrival, I learned that this family was insanely wealthy— and also insanely glamorous. My room was one of many giant closets in the mother’s bathroom. The mom looked a lot like a particularly extravagant Marilyn Monroe with an elaborate up-do, and countless variations on the same white, crystal-encrusted ball gown. The father was basically the grandfather from Gilmore Girls in a white suit. Everything in the house was white and sparkly. To lunch (which was in the dining room of the home), I was required to don white evening wear, however, I hadn’t packed any outfits that came close to fulfilling those guidelines. First, I tried wearing some casual dresses, but the servants warned me that my appearance would be unacceptable, and lent me a dress from the mother’s closet. It was many sizes too big, and I felt ridiculous. After a short while, I spoke to my friend to admit that this living experience was not at all what I had expected, and that I would be moving out.
I dreamt that I was on my way to a concert when I came across a GINORMOUS black dog in a dark alley. Every time I thought that I had gotten away, it found me. I ran for my life. An angel appeared and told me that I needed to be the one to save the rest of the world from this dog. So I let the creature gnaw on my hand with its ghastly fangs forever after… at least until I woke up.
I dreamt that I took a free pilates class every Friday at 6:30 p.m. in the Renaissance paintings gallery at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
I dreamt that I preferred vanilla ice cream to chocolate.